For nobody else, gave me a thrill - with all your faults, i love you still.
It had to be you, wonderful you, it had to be you.

i closed me eyes and thought of the days
that seemed to fly so fast
i turned my heart to face the days
with strength to carry on
cause i know it would be hard to go on
and i just want to grasp it in my all

cause i want to keep
all the memories within
all the trails i've been
just keep pushing on
and when i look up
into the heavens above
it's smiling to me and say
just keep pushing on

today's just the first day of school and my mind is giving me excuses why i should continue sleeping..
my alarm was set an hour later, the lift was too full to contain another person, i definitely missed my bus, and the first day just seem to be the start of another stressful period

there was just this mixed feelings i had last night, the mental breakdown thing..
well, it wasn't as bad for me cause i prayed and i had a worse experience before
but celeste was feeling down and empty.. the way i felt after conference and it was seriously terrible..
the feeling of emptiness and not wanting to do anything and slack around overwhelmed her as it did to me just some weeks ago..

basically, i passed the days by trying to distract myself from thinking so much so i watched the lamest tv programs, played guitar till my fingers hurt, played piano till my left hand just slipped off the keyboard, snacked alot and yeah of course, cry
and yeah, i don't want to sound like a stupid baby that cries everyday..
so i prayed..
God really helped me because i felt better as the days went by..

and as i browsing through the youth hymnal, this part of this particular hymn caught my eye
"You can whisper in a crowd to Him
You can cry when you're alone to Him
You don't have to pray out loud to Him
He knows your thoughts.."

it's really encouraging..


hot car (1)
tes spotted this car first because i was thinking of open top convertible instead of this..
but this is really.. hot
really feel like keeping it for myself instead..
i still have around.. 2 weeks to decide who the car model goes to..

how can anyone be so..
lets put it this way
heartless???!!!
like it was just a friendly gesture.. a harmless friendly gesture a friendly friend would give and it shouldn't be turn off by some stupid reply like "what?!"
and it wasn't even spelt correctly..
show some love, i mean come on..
it was like so cold?
even if it does not concern you one small bit but a nice reply would mean the whole world to someone
how can someone/anyone just disregard a friend like this? huh?
i mean even if you don't have the slightest interest, just pretend?
or just say it nicely not cruelly..
it really hurts okay?!

you chose not to voice out your opinions when you were asked..
now at this crucial time you just blast at her face
you think this is funny?
yes, maybe no!
maybe one day you should have a taste of your own medicine..

today kaiting, celeste, charis, jamos, john, kaien, tessa and i went to the mint museum to look at..
well toys..
it's really cool and i took some pictures..
but i guess i'll put it on facebook instead..
but it was really fun, we took many pictures and later, without celeste and charis, we went to the rooftop of esplanade
also took many pictures..(:
altogether, it was an amazing outing:D

My very first time serving in children's camp and it was way awesome..

10th
we went to church for cleaning up and stuff..we did the cutting of paper for the names, putting it inside the paper into the card holders, sweeping and mopping the floor..
I'm in the upper primary group CONCERN with darren and both of us were the first time serving..
this is my name tag! proud to be a Concern Youth Helper!!


11th
woke up at 7am and thought someone broke the fire alarm..
nope, it was esther's alarm ring tone..
and this is my crumpled timetable.. it never left my pocket unless i need to use it(:

the children in my group (upper primary) are very shy..
they include:
wen bin
nicole
isabelle
esther
raferty
yixuan
jeremiel
bryan
i talked to who, who ignored me
at first..
then they talked..
like Nicole, she's naturally very shy..
and she has alot of cousins, like in almost every group (upper and lower primary) she has at least a relative inside..

I was one of the behind back up for praise and worship until ern xu retreated and stood behind me.. he was supposed to stay in front..
anyway, we sang my all-time favourite song - HE'S ABLE!!
but we kept repeating 'i wanna be' and it was very(not boring) just really uh.. long..
i thought of some random actions the night before and tessa wanted to do it..
but it was seriously random, so we didn't..

oh did i mention we were supposed to make our own lunch?
yeah the children were, youth helpers HELP.. thats what we're for..
but since eeliang and i weren't attached to any groups, we just hopped around, making sushi/hand roll..
i made about 6, i ate 2 of them.. the rest went into ... ... ...
but well, it was sure delicious(:
then we made Water Dumplings(水饺)..
my first one was a ball-dumpling..
because the initial state of the dough was rectangle and not a circle..
my second one was the best.. the third was.. not as a disaster as the first..
so i was eagerly hoping to get my ball-dumpling (which was artistically made- contributed by Jiamin) but i never got it!
it went into someone else's tummy):
well, i wasn't going to eat mine anyway, it was for ... ... ...

the upper primary did a skit about Sowing and Reaping..
it was quite cool..
i was the 'fast runner' aka 'the work horse'???!!!

during case study, dawn was asking us what our big rocks were..
then she prayed for me, too, that I WOULD HAVE MORE TIME TO DO MY HOMEWORK SO I WON'T COPY :P


we slept at around 12 plus after cleaning up, supper and doing MATH!!!! all my math homework are done!

12th (the last day)
we went to the Dragonfruit farm..
i sat with christabel on the bus and this was the awesome picture i took.. okay not very but it's nice(:
i didn't take pictures of any dradonfruits but i did take pineapples(:
i have no idea what this is, but since it's nice, i just took a picture of it
it was really hot there but i had fun disturbing tessa with the creepy crawlies that were around..
the dargonfruit drink was refreshing too!

we had games after lunch in church..
we did 3 stations - the newspaper one, the borades(how you spell it?), and the one in the fourth floor extension hall.. we left out one cause there wasn't time, thanks to RESPECT who took up alot of time in the Borades station.
but so what?!
CONCERN is the overall winner!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
three cheers to us, million cheers to God!!

still trying to make Nicole do the actions at the last PRAISE AND WORSHIP session..
but nevermind, at least our group bonded..
i think i don't really dislike jeremiel after all..
he seems like a really nice kid now..

after the cleaning up, we were all really really tired..
but it was as amazing experience..

i think i'm starting to miss camp..

i learned how to serve by faith
trust in the LORD ALWAYS (literally)
to be careful with what i say

one moment i feel better today
the next, i feel worse
and it stayed that way
i seriously don't know why i am feeling this way
i just don't feel like doing anything
or even if i did, i am easily distracted
i have no idea whats wrong with me
maybe i never felt right just that i was insensitive to it
i just have to pray and have faith in Him who is able to take my burden away
i just pray He'll heal the broken-hearted like He promised in "He's Able"
i also pray for peace..

thinking of which, the things that will be taught in children's camp can actually apply to our own lives

i just can't take it anymore..
i really can't..
i just wish i can just faint and die and meet God right away..
i just have to.. i just have to make everything perfect..
why? i try to tell myself over and over, but why can't i get it out of my head?
everyone seems numb to the feeling..
why? i don't want this to happen..
it just hurts so much..
it is suppose be to encouraging..
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU KYLIE KAY???!!!
i.. i don't want to be weak anymore..
i just can't take it, anymore......................................

i seriously don't know where to start..
this conference really had many surprises installed and it was seriously unexpected..
~the fellowship thing
~the regret-to-tears thing
~the screaming-to-drive-brother-alvin-mad (literally) thing
~dorcas and grace's room thing
~the SPAM song
and many more..

i have to admit..
the conference (at first) was VERY DRY..
i just took notes ( i had no idea what was i copying), and i knew something was definitely wrong..
cause everyone said that conference is better than YES camp..
but i felt that it was, well, dryer..
so well, found sister eehan, and celeste had a similar problem.. so we fellowship, prayed with our knees to the floor, and i prayed that if God wants me to call a hymn or pray, he'll make the whole hall silence for a while..
God really answer prayers, cause it happened..
i was literally freaking out and words seemed to be stuck at my throat..
how hard i try to push it out, it still is stuck..
and during the break, i was praying and praying until i started to tear..
end of prayer, i covered my face with my hands (thank God i didn't tie my hair)
but sis eehan caught me and we started talking and prayed..
YES, i made her cry!! (okay tear/sob whatever)
so later i managed to pray, PRAISE THE LORD, and tessa too, and celeste..
and MARY WAS TOUCHED!!!! haha..

okay screaming thing..
for the past few days, the nice guy ferrying us (jamos, matthew, samuel, tessa and i) was brother alwin..
all the while, even in group fellowship, samuel was a guy with NO words and the rest of us were playing(most of the time) even in the car, he would just shut up and jamos, matthew, tessa and i would just talking and yank and blabber much rubbish..

on friday, our last night staying in GARDEN HOTEL (aka LKK hotel), matthew, as usual was spamming the happy tree friends song and the uncle f**ka song and we started screaming(to scare samuel, but instead, he laughed along - mission failed)..
so we decided to scare broher alvin instead..
many people who passed his car, including sister eehan and brother bernade, just saw our teeth and saw us bouncing like mad.. they can't hear anything happening inside, at all so they didn't suspect anything..
**it so happen when we stop laughing (out of breath), the funny part comes up
so went we left the gate, matt played the song and we started to scream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
haha he asked us to stop before an accident happen..
so i made a quick prayer, asking God to bless us as we 'sing'..

OH! dorcas and grace' room thing..
FREAKY!
grace saw something white walking to mary and celeste's room..
we prayed for faith, for strength and on our way to the room, we kept repeating the verse 2 Tim 1:7 and 'He who is in me is greater than he who is in the world' from 1 John 4:4..
we really really prayed alot.. for peace in our hearts, for celeste, dorcas, grace and mary who slept in d and g's room as "the thing walked to c and m's room"
that night was the night i slept the best! tessa was singing me to sleep and we overslept, causing the sisters from our group to be left outside for more than 3 minutes, knocking on the door..
anyway, God really gave us peace..

well, the spam song was for meng seng who couldn't stop spam calling grace and tessa..
but the song is hilarious..

and charis' "lecture"..
it was equally hilarious..

timetable :P

GROUP THREE!!!!!! HAPPY TREE FRIENDS

my awesome roommate!!! due to miscommunication, kt didn't manage to sleep over ):

melissa offered to help me copy some notes(:

my not-so-perfect speech..

i must learn to be not so perfect..
perfect speech, perfect prayer, perfect way of calling a hymn.. wow..

Your only son, no sin to hide
But You have sent Him, from your side
To walk upon this guilty sod
And to be called the lamb of God

Trust and Obey
For there's no other way
To be happy in Jesus
Is to Trust and Obey

Make me a servant, humble and meek
LORD, let me lift up those who are weak
And may the prayer of my heart always be:
Make me a servant, make me a servant
Make me a servant today

there are other songs i really enjoyed but i just can't remember what it was.. anyway, conference was awesome!!!!!

fyi, mary and celeste's room has an awesome view of the interior of the hotel